Hi! My name is Kelly and I don’t usually blog of the subject
of parenting, my blog
is about my journey
of losing weight over the last 18 months. However, I am very excited to have
been invited to write a guest blog post for Laura’s page.
I have some knowledge of parenting and working with
children. I am a mum to Megan and Alex who are 4 and 3 years old. I have
child-minded for children for the last 3 years and before that I was the
manager of a day nursery caring for children under 5 years of age for 7 years.
I have a foundation degree in children and young people’s services and various other
qualifications in childcare and family support. So I guess you can say, that
writing a post about parenting isn’t completely alien for me!
(Us!, Megan, Alex, my
husband Chris and me!)
So this brings me to my chosen topic for today... change!
A big, big thing is happening in our house this year. Megan
is going to school to in September and next week we find out which school she
will be attending. This is going to be an emotional rollercoaster.... for us
and them!
Preparing your child for school is just as important for you
as it is for your child. I know that in my head anyway, I have lots and lots of
mad thoughts going on. Will she fit in? Will she be happy? What will they be
doing? What do they need? How can I make this easier for her?
Preparing this post is as helpful for me, as I hope it will be
for you reading it. Whether or not your child is going to school, you may be
moving, starting nursery or playgroup for example, any change for children can
be a scary and anxious time.. but you
can ease things for them by helping them prepare!
Helping them prepare for change, explore, ask questions and
setting up experiences to adjust to the change is an incredibly important
emotional skill that children need to become well rounded, resilient adults,
but how can we best do this?
The practical side of
things...
Of course, preparing our children for change, letting them
explore their emotions is really important, in fact, I personally believe it’s
the MOST important thing we can do. Teachers, nursery nurses and teaching
assistants are there to teach our children how to read, do their sums and learn
about the history of the world. They are not there to parent our children for
us or teach them how to survive in the world. Yes, they do, by nature, do an
element of that, purely in the contact that they have and what is purely human
nature but it is not the job of teachers to develop emotional resilient children
with the day to day practical skills we take for granted such as toileting,
putting shoes on etc.
So there are some practical skills we need to build on first
such as:
·
Toileting – can your child confidently undo/do
up the clothes they are wearing? Can they wipe their bottoms confidently
themselves? Do they know and can they wash their hands after using the toilet?
·
Shoes/Coats – Are they aware of how the
different weather conditions mean they
need to look after themselves and wear their coats/do them up when they go out
to play?
·
Pack lunches/dinner – Does your child know and
can they wash their hands before lunch? Can they cut their food up by
themselves? Open their yogurt pots, drinks cups etc?
Of course, the teachers and staff at the school will be
there to help.. but imagine how much more empowered your child will be if they
can do these for themselves? It will take away quite a bit of the anxiety and
stress that comes with having new adults in a new setting if children are more
able to do the practical things. Not to mention that it frees up the staff and
teachers to get one with the important stuff!
Of course when you are encouraging them to learn the
practical things it’s important that you continue to develop their emotional
abilities, so do not put too much pressure on them to learn these. Make them
apart of everyday routines and slowly they will learn to cope by themselves!
For more information about teaching them the essentials...
check out:
More practical
things.. in the run up to starting!
So once you have found out what school your child is going
to, it’s important to know what happens at the school. Find out who the
teachers are and regularly use their names in conversation so that it becomes
natural to both you and your child.
From experience of settling children into school, it’s
important for you and your child to visit. Schools will arrange a time for you
to go into the classroom and most schools will also arrange times for them to
visit you at home.
Before the visits happen, it’s a good idea to create a
little booklet with all the information in that your child would like their
teacher to know. I created one last year with a little boy in his learning
journey which contained lots of pictures of what we had been doing and told his
teacher all about what he wanted her to know.
A few of the photo’s
shared with the class teacher from last year...
It’s really important to keep the lines of communication
open with school, so make sure you are aware of the procedures and methods they
use to communicate with parents. How do they accept letters into school, do
they use social media for example. Write a list of questions down ready to ask
when the visits do take place.
Be confident! If you approach the visits and contact with
the school confidently, your child is more likely to follow your lead.
Remember, asking lots of questions demonstrates to your child that they can ask
questions too! Keep a positive tone to your voice when talking about school
(I’m terrible for this at the moment as I am so nervous about not having her
around, not her actually going!) so that the thought of school in your child’s
head carries that positive ring to it.
Here’s a few questions which I’ll be asking come the visits:
- What uniform do they need and where do you buy
it?
- How does the school do pack lunches/dinners? Are
there any policies we need to know about them?
- PE Kits? What is it, where is it kept and how
often do we change them?
- Reading books/homework?
- School trips? Will they be going on any this
year?
- How does the school year start for them? Do they
start full days? Just mornings?
- What will the routine be when they go into
school in the mornings?
- How can we communicate with you if we have any
concerns throughout the year?
- How often are the parent’s evenings? Are there
any other ways we can seek feedback about our child?
- How can I get involved with the school? Can I
volunteer ?
Developing emotional
resilience
Resilience is the ability to bounce back from setbacks,
difficult times or new challenges. If your child is able to effectively deal
with the anxiety and stress that changes such as starting school can present,
then you have done a great job parenting already!
Consider these points to continue to help your child build
on these skills:
·
Listen to
how they are feeling: Really listen to and give opportunities for your
child to talk through any worries and concerns they may have. If like, most
children under 5, your child finds it hard to put their emotions into words to
express their feelings, set up opportunities for them to do it in other ways. Playing schools for example with their
teddies are a good opportunity for them to talk through role-play, if it’s teddy’s
first day at school and he’s scared, demonstrate how they could make them feel
better or how the teacher should react to make them feel secure. This is you really listening to what your
child is feeling and seeing things from their point of view.
·
Observe your child: Watch your child
(or children!) and really observe WHO they are. I only know this too well, with
the Easter holidays just behind us, 2 weeks with them means that we very
quickly got into the routine of taking each other for granted. You co-exist for
a while and every now and then in between we look at them and (depending on the
day!) can really be bowled over by just WHO they are. These little people we have created and
shaped.. are just that, people! They have their own personalities, their own
ways of doing things and sometimes we just have to stand back and see this
properly!
Observe what their strengths are and use
this to really positively give them a platform in which they can take into the
classroom and wow their peers and teachers, just like they do with you! You can
develop these strengths by basing the things you do with your child at home
around these.. for example, Megan is keen helper. She loves to feel that she is
needed and when we do tend to do things together, we do jobs where she ask to
help. I am always encouraging her to ask for things, including helping, as I
know this is a real strength of hers and will help a lot when she goes to
school! This can be painful at times, don’t get me wrong, especially when it’s
the washing up and I spend more time mopping the kitchen back up after she’s
done!
·
Mistakes
are not bad, being responsible is great!: Encourage your children to learn
from mistakes. When something happens, just reprimanding them and leaving it at
that will teach them only that mistakes = punishment. Use everything that they
do wrong as a learning curve to pave the way for when they do right.Go through the sequence of events, help them identify what
they could have done different and encourage them to make amends for the
mistake that they did. Teach them to be responsible for their own actions
through the way in you speak with them. A perfect example of this happened just
this morning! Megan and Alex were standing at the front room window anxiously
waiting for the childminded children to arrive. First Alex pushed Megan a bit,
so Megan pushed him harder back, resulting in him falling off the foot stool
they were standing on. Cue, tears from Alex. I asked Megan to get down from the
foot stool, much to her resentment and complaining and the first thing she said
was ‘but Alex pushed me first’ . I explained to her that, I understood that,
but that didn’t give her reason to push him back. We talked about whether
pushing was nice and what she should have done instead of pushing him back. I
asked her what she thought she could do now to make the situation better and
she said that she would say sorry. I feel it’s also important to point out here
that, children need to learn, just saying sorry isn’t always the answer for
everything! They need to be aware of how they can prevent it happening again. I
asked Megan if she got back on the foot stool with Alex, did she think there
was enough room and would there be pushing again? She thought about it for a
moment, but then came up with the solution of fetching the other foot stool so she
could stand to the side creating more room.
·
Don’t
apply pressure.. only love: Lastly, I strongly believe anyway, that the
most important thing a child needs is love. You can never love a child too
much. Ever. Some people may say that you can spoil them, but I am yet to see a
child who is spoiled by love.
It’s important that you don’t feel under pressure to make sure they can
do everything I listed above. It’s just something to aim for.
It’s important you do not compare your child against anyone else’s
child. They are not YOUR child.
Love them, cherish
them and I promise you will not go wrong.
So when the time is
nearly here, have a go at trying these....
·
Establish
those routines!
Nothing makes children feel more
secure than knowing what’s going to happen. So once you’ve had your school
visits. You’re on track for them feeling practically prepared.. uniform, check,
lunch box, check, PE Kits, check etc etc you need to make sure that on that
first, important day, you and your child can get up, have breakfast, get ready
and out in a most stress free and calm way possible.
It’s important to start a morning
routine at least 1 week before that big day so that you can tweek and change
what you need to, in order to get out on time.
Make sure that they get plenty of
time the night before (early to bed!) and give yourself time to prepare a
special breakfast for them so that they are well fed and have the energy to see
them through what is going to be a massive physical and mental task for them.
·
Make time
for each other!
It’s important that on the last few days
before your child feels like they become ‘really grown up’, that you plan time
for them to really enjoy being the centre of attention for a little while. A
trip out of their choosing will give them something lovely to share with the
teacher and peers when they do go to school and create a happy memory of those
last few weeks before school!
·
Plan
something for you to do on the day!
On the day, plan something for yourself to
do, which will keep your mind and worrying off your child. Something extra
especially nice, after all you have been planning and thinking about this day
for a while. Coffee and cake out with a friend, a shopping trip or visiting
something you can do either by yourself, or have younger children to keep you
occupied! Remember that if you do have younger children, it will be a change
for them too... and a chance to give them some of the attention which may have
been focused on the older child for a while!
·
At the
end of the day....
When the big day is over, try not to
overwhelm your child with too many questions! They are going to be overwhelmed
as it is! Plan a nice quiet sit down meal together and give them chance to get
the order of events straight in their heads. Some quiet time after school will
be important for them to gather their thoughts together and process what they
experienced.
I hope this post has given you some food for thought and a
little insight to what I will be doing to prepare Megan for ‘big’ school! However,
I hope the main thing, if anything you get from this post is just to value the
time we have with our little people whilst they are still little.
The last few years have gone so quickly, just like everyone
told me it was going too! I am really looking forward to going on a whole new
journey with my children now though, one which will only continue to enrich and
make life so much more interesting!
Thanks for reading and
bye from us!
K!
References for
further tips and
reading:
